The Back up Plan
by voicelord
Summary: Death the Kid had nothing against them. But this was getting plain ridiculous as the counselling session takes place in the middle of his bathroom! Plus, this is one of those times when Maka's oblivousness bites back with a vengeance. Soul x Maka


**Story**: The Back-up Plan  
**Summary**: Deep meaningful relationships are meant to be reaffirmed from time to time. But this was just getting plain ridiculous as Death the Kid ends up being the relationship guru for the infamous Shibusen couple. Not to mention, all of this is taking place in the middle of his impeccable bathroom! And this is one of those times where Maka's obliviousness does not help in any way.  
**Pairing**: Soul Eater Evans & Maka Albarn

**The Back-up Plan**

"You've got to be kidding me." With sheer disbelief emitting from sharp golden eyes, the firmly pressed toilet paper fell listlessly to the tiled floor.

The amount of effort he had put into folding the ends of each and every toilet roll displayed in this mansion was no longer of great significance. The fact that he had woken up an hour early to resume with this inspection also slipped away from the back of his mind. Instead, the only son of the prestigious Shinigami felt his obsessive compulsive disorder dissolve – _only for mere a second_ – when his long-time [bookworm] friend allowed those forbidden words to slip from her lips.

"…You are kidding, right?" Death the Kid was never the one to repeat the same thing twice, but in circumstances such as these…he was **not** going to take any chances! "Please tell you are joking, Maka."

"I'm standing in one of your elaborate bathrooms at 6am in the morning. You really think I'm joking here, Kid?"

And true to her words, the Shinigami-in-training could not detect even a _hint_ of humour in narrowed emerald orbs.

Contemplating whether or not to throw his toilet brush to rearrange her obviously muddled-up brain, he could feel his fingers tightening around the plastic handle – absolutely ready to pounce.

"Loosen your grip on that toilet brush if you know what's good for you, _Shinigami-sama_."

"Shinigami-in-training. Not the official one just yet." Kid mumbled with a slight frown.

Emitting a small chuckle for the very first time since her unexpected arrival, the skilled technician leaned casually against the immaculate sink; fastened with skull shaped taps.

"Technicalities; technicalities. Whatever your position, if that thing comes anywhere near me you **will** be sorry."

"Threatening doesn't become you, _Maka-chan_."

"Unless you want to see all your precious toilet rolls remain intact in that perfect condition, I suggest you reconsider."

"And what should I be reconsidering here?" Pulling himself in full height, the natural born leader folded his arms with calculating precision and assertion. But in all truth, he must have looked pretty ridiculous, standing in the middle of his downstairs bathroom in his black suit; the pants rolled up to his knees while cleaning products fully occupied both of his hands. Normally, he was extremely thorough when it came to presenting his flawless image of power and authority amidst the unforgiving eyes of the general public. And if it had been anyone else, he still would have been quite hesitant to blatantly display his…_compulsive_ side in its full glory.

But Maka Albarn was no ordinary individual. She was a friend. She was a very good friend since his younger days. And this situation, in itself, was not even close to that of normalcy.

She was in his bathroom, for Heaven's sake!

"As I have stated not a moment past, I want you to be my back-up plan." Arching an eyebrow, the meister of three stars eyed her opponent with ease and confidence. If it had been anyone else, those infamous emerald orbs coupled with that particular [menacing] glint would have caused quite a stir. But then again, Death the Kid was no ordinary foe. Furthermore, having been her long-term friend, it gave him the advantage of being already aware and used to her imposing yet predictable tactics. "So how about it? If we're both single by the time we're forty, let's get married."

Damn it all to Hell, she hadn't been kidding about that. Crap.

"…What makes you think I won't be attached by the time I'm forty? I'm considered quite the catch you know." _Best to dish out the avoidance card at the initial phase_…

"That's what I said. But Blackstar thought it'd be a good idea if I asked you as well."

"…You asked Blackstar before _me_?"

It was official. She was not only oblivious but utterly delusional.

"You've been busy with the preparations for your inauguration ball. It would have been rude to intrude."

In a genuine display of consideration and understanding, Maka replied as if it was the most natural thing in the world…except she had added the obnoxious ninja into the equation and that on its own, changed **everything** for the Shinigami-in-training.

"So you decided to ask that idiotic imbecile before **me**?" Death the Kid seriously considered washing those green eyeballs out with the disinfectant clutched in his toilet-brush-free-hand. The pretty female may be the smartest individual in Shibusen but she was obviously missing a couple of screws in the head. "Do you even realise what kind of husband he would make? The freak doesn't even _swallow_ when he eats!"

"Going slightly off topic here but anyways, you'll agree?" With a hopeful smile, the female meister relentlessly pursued her objective.

…_Time to bring out the big guns_. "What about Soul?"

"What about him?" Maka questioned, tilting her head in a genuine display of naivety.

Holy mother of all creations! She seriously had no idea. Wanting to choke the living daylights out of this unbelievable woman, Death the Kid tightly clenched his eyes shut as he felt a major migraine crashing ashore.

The stench of hygiene products only seemed to intensify this sense of dread and dismay. Freaky.

"Well…I would have thought he would have objected to this." And knowing him, the Death Scythe would have reacted **violently** if such words were uttered in his presence. The very notion of Maka being involved with other men would have resulted in a man-made disaster as never seen before. "I think you need to discuss this with him and I can assure you, he would not be very pleased that you are looking for back-up plans."

_That_ was an understatement.

"…But…it was his idea."

He was going to kill Soul Eater Evans. He was going to murder that good-for-nothing asshole as soon as he was enacted the new Shinigami. It would be the very first thing on his political agenda.

And he was going to enjoy every second of it.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"…Why the hell am I in one of your bathrooms at 7am in the morning?" The gruff voice of an extremely displeased individual bounced off the tiles of absolute whiteness and symmetry.

"Sit down."

Already having given up on his calming morning ritual, various products and cleaning tools lay abandoned on the bathroom floor.

And at the center of it all, Death the Kid lay flat on his back with an arm draped over his half-closed eyes in a fruitless attempt to lessen the pounding headache.

When had everything gone so horribly wrong?

All he had ever wished for was a quiet morning surrounded by cleanliness and order. But instead, he was stuck with…_them_.

Scratching his head, Soul was more than prepared to leave his friend with his…_unusual_ antics. "Look, I understand these bathroom tiles are probably more hygienic to sit on compared to my couch, but can you please tell me what the fuck we're doing here in the first place?"

"Sit. down. right. now."

Perhaps it was a generous blessing from above but the white-haired male – for once in his life – followed the rigid request; the slight frown evolving into a full-out scowl being the only indication of his stubbornness.

Completely ignoring blazing raven orbs, the dejected other – who seemed to have fully accepted the unfortunate turn of events – took a deep breath before resuming with the given task at hand. _The sooner this was over, the better_. "There has been a certain…**incident** this morning that could not be ignored." In all truths, a hysterical Kid had kicked an oblivious Maka out of his mansion as soon as the disturbing nature of the situation came into full light. "In fact, the situation needs to be rectified _immediately_."

With a matching glare of his own, Death the Kid finally arose from his sprawled out position. Since he had somehow been miraculously given the task of being their personal relationship guru, he was, nevertheless, going to do this **right**.

They had better be fucking grateful for this.

"And in order to do this, your presence is most crucial. Hence, the reason why you are sitting in my bathroom this fine morning."

Still not very convinced, Soul remained impassive as ever as he briefly scanned the products and contents spread out hazardously on the bathroom floor.

"You seriously need to find a new hobby, Kid." The deep voice drawled out in its usual blaze manner.

"Maybe I would if you learn to act like a proper human being!" The agitated other blurted out – clearly at his limit. "Who in the world asks his girlfriend to be his back-up plan?"

And that was when the bombshell finally exploded upon impact.

With his mouth hanging open in utter shock, the infamous weapon's composure was disheveled beyond repair. His normally calm and collected voice breaking down completely as unrecognisable yelps echoed against the walls.

"Y-You…H-How did you – _you_…you **know** about that?"

"Is there something seriously wrong with you? Are you insane? Are you _trying_ to get yourself locked up in a mental institution?" And from that point on, Death the Kid was on a roll. "Did someone drop you on your head? No, screw that. Someone must have conducted a lobotomy when you were a baby because frankly, I cannot think of any other explanation for this demented thinking!"

After the brief continuation of his gaping fish-like expression, Soul seemed to have finally gained control over his respiratory system as a long pained exhale of air squeezed out through sharp clenched teeth.

His entire face, tomato-red; while his mouth continued to open and shut as if the Death Scythe could not come to an internal resolution, the uneasy silence continued to trickle along.

It was only when Soul – seemingly no longer able to keep his head elevated – roughly covered his face with his long pianist fingers that he gritted out those words in utter embarrassment.

"…It was supposed to be a proposal."

Caught completely off guard, Death the Kid could only stare in astonishment.

"It was a what?"

He had expected a lot of things when Maka had marched into his bathroom declaring that he was to be one of her back-ups. But this was not one of them.

"It was a **proposal**." Soul angrily muttered out, looking absolutely miserable.

"_That_ was your proposal?"

Grumbling how 'un-cool' this entire thing was, the Death Scythe forcefully tugged his messy bangs aside – a nervous habit whenever he got agitated or frustrated.

"…You proposed to Maka." Absolutely stunned and in a daze, Kid blurted out in wonder.

"Yes."

"You asked her to be your partner for life."

"Yes."

"To be your significant other."

"For fuck sake, yes!"

"And this was framed around the concept of a 'back-up'."

"…Yes?" Taken back by how…_awful_ it sounded coming from another person; the previous outburst dissolved into hesitation. "Look man, it was embarrassing! This…whole proposal crap; and when I tried to get the words out, my mind…it just went blank. And before I knew it, the back-up thing sprouted out."

"It's just four simple words, Soul. Four freaking words!" Stating the obvious, Death the Kid didn't know whether to leave this nutcase with his oh-so-obvious issues or literally knock some sense into his head. A couple of punches to the head could prove to be quite effective. Maka certainly wouldn't mind. "Why can't you just be normal? **Will. you. marry. me**; simple, precise and to the point!"

"Doesn't matter now, does it; since I've already proposed to her. It worked, didn't it?" Refusing to meet the gaze of the furious other, Soul darkly muttered; supposedly sulking in his own unique way.

Unforgiving golden orbs never betrayed anything as the Shinigami-in-training went in for the kill.

"It seems like it still matters considering she's asking me and Blackstar to be her back-up." _Concise, brutal yet straight to the point_.

Struck absolutely speechless for the second time within a span of minutes, the white-haired weapon froze in sheer disbelief; the words not yet registering in his overloaded brain.

"You seem to have given her the impression that asking anyone to be one's back-up is perfectly fine." Arising from his crouched position, Death the Kid bore down upon his idiotic yet extremely loyal friend of many years. "She thinks it's _normal_ to ask anyone of the opposite sex to be her back-up."

Sighing in frustration at the total lack of response, the raven-haired other attacked where it would _really _hurt.

"She doesn't know it was a proposal, Soul. She doesn't think you are serious about her."

And with that, the Death Scythe was out the bathroom, scrambling for the door.

_Good riddance_.

**[Side-story]**

"…What did you just say, Maka-chan?"

And one of the delicate cups specially designed to fit the expensive Japanese tea-set crashed to the ground; hot liquid spilling everywhere.

"Uh…I asked you if there's anyone else eligible to be my back-up?" _Wasn't that Tsubaki's favourite tea cup?_ Shaking off the sudden chilling feeling, Maka resumed with her task at hand. "Soul's already got a head-start on this. I really need to catch up, Tsubaki!" Whining a little for emphasis, the pretty meister failed to fully take in and absorb the darkening aurora of the other.

Still lost in her own little world, the brown-haired technician had no idea – whatsoever – how she was making the situation worse: by failing to stop talking.

"I'm guessing you ask the person you're dating last? Soul just asked me a few days ago. I bet he already has tons and tons of back-ups!"

With a slight pout, the little tirade finally came to an end.

Of course, emerald orbs widened slightly in obvious confusion when the gentle partner of the flamboyant ninja failed to respond in her usual compassionate manner.

Was it something she said?

And it was only after a significant period of silence that the uncharacteristically somber weapon finally replied.

"…He asked you to be his back-up?"

_Was it just her or did Tsubaki's voice sound a little off?_

And even before Maka could reply, the frantic sound of footsteps was quickly followed by the crashing sound of the door being forcefully kicked aside.

In a blur of white and red, Soul Eater Evans came bursting in.

"Maka! Listen, I-" And even before he could even _begin_ rectifying the horrid mess, the Death Scythe's fate was sealed with a quick glow and the extensions of a deadly katana emerging in quick succession.

"…So good of you to join us, Soul-kun." It was official. Tsubaki was **pissed**. "Please allow me to restore your honour, Maka-chan."

He didn't even stand a chance.


End file.
